I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
