My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
