someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
