I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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