but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
