We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
