Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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