i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Let the clothes fall where they may.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
