Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
