I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
