out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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