is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize