if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
