sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
