If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
