6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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