he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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