Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
