You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
me + whiskey = a bad person
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
