I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
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