You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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