This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
