On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
