i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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