I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
