He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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