Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
