She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
We need to get me chipped asap
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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