i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
you inspire me to be a worse person
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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