I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Randomize
