Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
If its not for food we ain't going out.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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