so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
