Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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