you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
