man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
