I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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