Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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