shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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