I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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