i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Drunk is not a location!
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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