In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Quick, to the slutcave!
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Randomize
