sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I want a musical about memes.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
