Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
