He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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