you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
