is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Randomize
