he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
