I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You left your phone here
Wait...
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