he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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