Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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