this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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