quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
