I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Pappa wants mamma naked
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize