When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
