I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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