I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
