how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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