At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
