I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
