so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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