I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
