I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
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