Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
