btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
