Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
