her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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