Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
