wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
