i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
