Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize