Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
