The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
