I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
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