Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
