Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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