I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
